Relationships

I work with individuals on a variety of relationship difficulties. You may have just suffered a relationship breakdown or be struggling to find the relationships you want. You may be in conflict with family members or colleagues, or find yourself repeating the same difficulty in different relationships.

Instability
Getting caught-up in intense reactions to others and painful drama within relationships. Feeling driven to please others and seek attention – often at the expense of your own needs and what you really think and feel. You may end up feeling exploited and disregarded in relationships. You can get emotionally hijacked so that you end up in situations that cause you shame and regret. At times, you may feel concerned about harmful and self-destructive behaviours.


Co-Dependency

Feeling insignificant and unimportant to others. You may fear you are unable to manage without continual involvement in a relationship. Managing relationships by becoming a caretaker to troubled or abusive people. Feeling over-dependent and fearful of abandonment may leave you fearful of direct communication and self-assertion. You can end up lacking boundaries and self-protection. You may be left feeling disconnected from your own feelings and needs, and caught up in your reactions to others. Insecurity may drive you to obsessive and controlling behaviours.


Isolation

Feeling anxious about trusting or getting closer to others, but also feeling isolated or disconnected. You might like the idea of being more involved with others, but you can easily feel intruded upon, engulfed or abused. Finding people’s behaviour perplexing and worrying and possibly feeling vulnerable in groups. Dealing with feelings of loneliness by disconnecting from one’s own emotions and avoiding showing feelings to others.

Self-Esteem
Feeling like others will only show interest and care if you perform well or seem ideal. Lacking confidence and struggling with experiences of low self-worth, humiliation and shame. You may have difficulty controlling your anger if others seem to be provoking those difficult feelings. Feelings of emptiness and disappointment about wanting to be closer to others, but fearing further hurt if you risk being more open, and revealing how painful your life can be.


Identity

Feeling unsure about who you are, you monitor others, and try and adapt to what they seem to want. Adapting to the group or setting around you can leave you with inconsistent values and opinions. This can make it hard to trust yourself, or pursue goals and enjoyment in life. Fear of self-exposure can make it difficult to talk about yourself or have relationships that deepen over time. Your main goal is to gain people’s interest and approval, but the closeness that brings can be anxiety provoking. At the same time, being alone can bring feelings of restlessness or emptiness.


Perfectionism

Feeling driven by the need to be correct, approved of or perfect. Often being duty-bound and rule-based to the point of feeling rigid or inflexible. Persistent self-criticism with feelings of anxiety and guilt, together with difficulties in finding enjoyment in relationships and life. You may be doing ok at work, but then feeling confused or disconnected in more personal relationships. You may struggle to know what you really want or enjoy.